My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
