Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
