I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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