Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You did what with his pubic hair?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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