dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
