i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
