Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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