The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
