Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish you could order shots online.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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