I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
