Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize