Will you blow on my dice?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
