Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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