I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
