is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize