Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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