i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
