too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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