You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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