Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
