we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
