oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
