some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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