I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
