Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize