this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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