please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
