I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
