if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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