im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You are the jesus of drinking
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
