just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize