The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
