Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
