You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
