You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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