also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
