I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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