im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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