I'm gonna have a badass scar
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
