the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I need a beard to bite.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
