it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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