another moral hangover. fuck.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
