Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
