Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
