help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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