Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
