The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
