No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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