i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize