If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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