I didn't shave. On purpose
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
