Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize