I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize