PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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