Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
