3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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