I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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