In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Liz is crying about burritos again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
