Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize