Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
