Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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