Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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