So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
