Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
