shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
