just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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