I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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