3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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