The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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